Unsettled in Upstate: Tilling the Soil of My Mind
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Where Am I Right Now
Katharina and I have been settled into Upstate NY for almost three weeks. We’re sitting on a 5 acre property and a bachelor pad / redneck heaven of a house (3X as much barn space as living space. We’ve got a beautiful view and our uncle’s old Mini Cooper to explore the area. We love having a space to call our own, although we’re laughing because when it was “my brothers” we left things alone. Now that we asked him if we can redecorate there’s tons of tiny things we look around to change.
My Current State of Mind
I initially wanted to say “unsettled” and thought it too negative. But then I realized that it’s entirely accurate and more helpful than I can think. Finally settling down physically for the medium-term has given me the space to unsettle mentally and emotionally.
It’s like my foundational emotional state was hard-packed soil too dense for anything new to be planted. But now that I have the space to till the soil and aerate it with a little extra attention and presence, things are coming to the surface.
Sometimes that’s been very uncomfortable, leading me to face a feeling, cry in bed for 20 minutes and let it process. Sometimes it’s been inspiring, giving me the courage to take a stand, set a boundary or face other’s uncomfortable emotions. Sometimes it’s been depressing, recognizing that I still hold core negative beliefs about myself and the world that are driving my experience.
But it’s always been helpful. I’m slowly learning that everything that was hard packed in that soil needs to be heard, felt, processed and exposed before anything new can truly be planted. Otherwise anything new will be outcompeted by the patterns with deeper roots.
Updates From Prior Commitments
Land - We’ve done a bang-up job of diving into some parts of living closer to the land, and a mediocre job with others. I’ve loved fermented foods, both making them and their effect on our body. I’ve got kefir running and spreading to others, yogurt, gluten-free sourdough and sauerkraut running in the house. We spent time with mostly retired ladies (only male) in a Master Food Preserver course and getting excited to can. But plants haven’t quite caught our fancy yet. We’re learning the basics but as of yet have killed half of what we’ve sprouted.
Community - We’ve been pleasantly surprised so far at how leaning in has found us new friends and community aligned with our vision. We’ve spent some time over at Fruition Seeds in Naples, which is a former seed selling company experimenting entirely with a model of gifting and reciprocity. We’ve met up with old friends and attended a couple hippie events. I’ve used Facebook effectively to find people to forage with, places to go and communities that align with us online.
What’s Changing In My Thinking
In both of Tyson Yunkaporta’s book he describes the difference in between the universal Laws of nature, and the little laws of man. He describes how the law of man is ephemeral and changes as people change. But the Law of the land stays as it’s in nature. It’s one of the most sacred responsibilities of any indigenous people to maintain and preserve the Law of the land.
Which all sounded great to me… but it didn’t really sink in until I’m experiencing it. There is no rushing nature. There is assisting nature, but nature does it’s own thing. There isn’t a way for me to make the sprouts grow on my time. Similarly my kefir is a function of heat, milk, and time. If I procrastinate one day and do it the next day, the sauerkraut is bad. Or the sourdough has hooch, or the plant wilts. Everything is on it’s own rhythm and has to be handled in it’s own time, only it’s own time.
This is such a contrast to the world that I’ve lived. I’ve lived in a world of rush and push and force. One in which we want the project done sooner, grow the company faster, heal quicker, learn more rapidly. Everything is on an artificial pace with more to be done. This is the world in which so much online is about faster, harder, more rapidly.
But I’m trying to embrace this Law of the land. I’m learning more with our time with our plants, our beneficial bacterial buddies, and our friends and community. It goes both ways. If I’m having a rough day, there’s no procrastinating on Kefir or else I don’t have Kefir, I have separated whey. But if I stare at my Sauerkraut it won’t make it ferment faster than the 2-3 weeks I have to wait. If I rush the process of getting Sauerkraut started (as I did one day) I risk not fully decontaminating (as I did last year) or using too much salt because I didn’t fully read the recipe (as I did this year). Plus as a good analogy for trusting in life, any time I check on it earlier I introduce oxygen and new bacteria reducing the likelihood of success.
So I’m learning to embrace everything in it’s own time, on it’s own time. No rush, do what’s needed now as it arises, and let everything else wait on it’s own time. It feels weird. But I can tell I’m on to something good.
My Plans for the Week
I’m slowing down a bit more. We were a bit audacious with the number of projects and things all at once, so we trimmed down. But we were also prioritizing based on what’s truly important to us. So we’re continuing with all the fermentation and planting things because we’re enjoying it and bringing us closer to nature. We’re both prioritizing screen-free evenings and mornings to play our instruments. But as I settle in I’m spending time doing classes on Insight Timer and in the community, while Katharina is exploring her mindful eating classes and courses. The way we like to think about it now is no longer about having a routine, but a rhythm that slowly gets us in tune with the life we want. Wish us luck? Or better yet join us <3
If you like reading this, feel free to click the ❤️ or 🔄 button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏. Also if you haven’t subscribed, feel free to. It’s free as I simply build more community from my early retirement, seeking what’s worth doing.
