I'm a lousy cook. I never follow the recipe. I rarely measure ingredients. I am negligent with the time. Those who watch me in the kitchen leave shaking their head in wonder and confusion. Even so, I’m on my way to becoming a chef. How is that possible? By doing my best to learn the rules even as I break them.
A cook follows the rules but a chef breaks them. A cook follows recipes but a chef writes them. Both of them make food. But only one makes art. As silly as that sounds, that’s the secret behind most innovations in life. Learn them - then break them.
In every society and area of life, there are unwritten and written rules of how to work and live. When you understand them you know the hard rules, the soft rules, and the ones that are no longer relevant. Some make sense. Know them. Some are cultural. Question them. Some are outdated or unnecessarily constricting. Break them. Know the rules. Find out how the system works. Then play it the way you want to.
That’s what I’ve tried to do my whole life. I learn why we do things the way we do them - and then figure out where to break them. When you understand why people do things the way that they do, then you can make your own decisions. That alone can lead you to a life worth living.
I’ve succeeded every time I’ve learned the rules first. But I’ve failed every time I broke them without a thorough understanding first. I refuse to follow instructions for long, so that’s pretty common. When I look back most major mistakes in my life were the result of one of only three things:
I didn’t learn the rules.
I didn’t understand the reasons for the rules.
I broke the wrong rules.
Notice that I didn’t say I made mistakes because I broke them. My biggest successes in life were about breaking rules worth breaking. Even starting a business is breaking the career rule. Then doing it my own way broke a dozen “rules”, some worth breaking others not so much. The many times I’ve screwed up were because I didn’t understand the game I was playing. That’s why it’s important to learn them before you break them.
You can’t only break them nor only follow them. If you only follow them you’ll operate within the limits of those courageous enough to create them. If the people who created your rules were any good, this will result in a pleasant and orderly life. But it won't be anything to write home about. If you only break them you’ll never stop making avoidable mistakes. You’ll end up being a disaster - albeit one with a lot more stories to tell. You have to do both - learn the rules and choose when to break them.
That is what’s necessary for an incredible life. Learn how to manage a business before you manage it in your own style. Understand the written and unwritten rules of your career before you mold it to suit you. Know how to sell yourself and your products before you decide to skip the suit and tie. Educate yourself on how money works before you use it in any way you want. This is how you build a life that isn’t cookie cutter or chaos.
The rules always easier to learn than you think. If you read three books on a topic you know more than 99% of the population. I have worn T-shirts on sales calls, but I can quote from SPIN Selling. I have never bought Katharina flowers, but I stick to the 7 Habits Of A Healthy Marriage. I can’t tell you what stock to buy, but I mastered my money through I Will Teach You To Be Rich. A single book will teach you the rules of the game and why the rules are there. This is what you need to decide what to follow and where to break them.
Anything you can dream of in life is within your grasp if you can understand the rules before you break them. You must understand them so you don’t waste time making the same mistakes. You also must know when to break them so you can create something new. If you always follow the rules you’ll lead a life of quiet desperation. If you don’t know when to break them your life will be an ongoing catastrophe. But with a balance of both at the end of your life you will discover that you have lived. Good luck.
Hi there I’m David Longhini. A former entrepreneur and early retiree who is travelling the world until the next adventure presents itself. I’m writing continually to clarify my thoughts and share them with those who appreciate them. If this resonated with you, please feel free to subscribe, share, leave a comment.