Breaking the Script: How Unplanned Conversations Can Save Our Fragmented World
This week I’m well and truly lost, or at least in a state of exploration without firm ground. So let’s dive right in.
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Where Am I Right Now
I’m in Bern, Switzerland. It feels like Katharina and I have come back into a default reality where we’re staying in a friend’s beautiful apartment in one of the most stable places in the world. We’re catching up with her good friends who have all either bought a house, had a child, or got married in the last year. Our days kind of blend together because Switzerland is wonderful for your nervous system, built for calm rather than excitement. We’re still planning a ski day or two since we’re finally here in *sort of* season, but given two days skiing is more than rent in 80% of the world it’s a commitment.
My Current State of Mind
I’m a curious mix of stable and ungrounded at the same time. On one hand we have the next 6 months planned out for the first time in years. On the other hand that open space of not deciding where we’re going next exposes uncertainty of what to do with the time. I’ve been realizing how much of my attention since December has been captured by the experience of being nomadic. Now that we’re “settling down” for an “extended” period of time a lot of questions are opening up.
The questions that are running through my mind are a lot of what’s the theme of this writing and the title “What Are We Doing Here”. I am eternally grateful that barring global financial collapse I have a significant degree of freedom to choose what I want to do. But at the same time that also opens up a lot of indecision. It brings the phrase comparison is the thief of joy to just about every area of my life.
We could live anywhere. We could work on anything. We could have any hobby. We could experience anything. In many ways that’s true for everyone with a little bit of passport privilege and an education, but it’s top of mind for us. Which is incredible. But it’s also daunting because the options become endless. Plus, no matter the fact that you *can* do anything, you still can only *do* one thing at a time. And some things are a much longer term commitment to accomplish than others.
Updates From Prior Commitments
I realized I haven’t spent much time creating continuity from prior weeks so wanted to give some updates:
Quit / Restructure Social Media - It’s coming up on 3 weeks since I deactivated my Instagram and deleted my X account. I have then committed to carefully using Substack & Facebook to build connection rather than succumb to seeking an audience. That’s been much more successful on Facebook, but probably because I have longer term friends I know in person there. I’ve been explicitly posting vulnerable things as if I’m having a conversation. It’s working. But I do feel a bit guilty that I have it hacked to not show me anything but my feed. So I never get other people’s updates, only make my own and interact with people through it.
If you want to go far, go together - I’ve really struggled with this. I have been battling an ego and comfort based desire to stay in places and spaces where I “know what I’m doing”. It’s altogether too easy for me to stick with our nomad, early retirement, and/or coaching and advising startups lifestyle. That means I tend to have a good excuse when it comes to the discomfort of diving into the areas of systems change, indigenous thinking, climate work and communities or retreats. These are areas where I’m an intern at best, not a leader in the conversation in any way, shape or form. So I’ve been consistently working to convince myself to be at the bottom of the totem pole again.
Right Stories - I really filtered down any content I see and limited it to those without a specific agenda, sales pitch, or building of an audience within a narrow window. It’s really helped me see how much of the internet is built that way. But it also means that I’m spending my time and energy on places more aligned to community and connection. That has essentially meant podcasts, private communities, and in-person events.
What’s Changing In My Thinking
Trump voters were right… about voting for a person willing to do long-form interviews. With that inflammatory statement triggering most of your immune systems, I’d like to break it down. Not because I approve of Trump, but because it’s something we as a society need to reconcile if we want to build a better world.
After the election, I spoke with several highly educated Trump voters. One thing that kept coming up that changed their mind was Trump’s willingness to go on non-scripted interviews. Where he had to speak to unprepared questions and make remarks and responses without talking points. Where things were willing to shift and move.
People loved this. Not just because they got to hear more from him and be challenged, but also they truly *heard* him. He broke script (if there ever was one) and got to be challenged, challenge and have a legitimate debate. He even showed multiple times his willingness to hear other views and say “that’s a good idea” and change his approach. RFK Jr being one of those that just might have won him the election all on it’s own.
This helped people feel like they understood their candidate and that their candidate was willing to understand them. That he could listen and be listened to. That he could hear them and be heard. That he could change his mind with new information and change with the times. That he was willing to look at old problems in new ways. Every person who flipped sides told me some version of this.
Yarning openly with others is the only way things can change. It’s the only way to bridge divides and create new directions to go in. It’s the only way to create new connections and restore old ones. It’s the way that we end up hearing new voices and creating new coalitions. The way that new perspectives get brought into the mix and the momentum gets harnessed.
That’s exactly what Trump did, and exactly what we (all) need to do. The candidate that we keep saying is destroying the world, created more connection than the others did. Trump won because he yarned with the country, co-creating a story with a wide enough base of people where there was an exchange of meaning and commitment. He managed to unite a large group of people that shouldn’t agree with each other (far left hippies meet NRA grandpas meet upper middle class liberal biohackers meet neocon small government meet libertarian crypto bros). He changed the literal game by creating a new coalition that was desperate to be heard.
These people were all willing to vote for someone who is flawed in a hundred ways because he heard them and spoke directly to them. He was willing to break script and meet them where they were. He was willing to take risks and show that he’s a human, even if he’s a shitty one. They were willing to hand him the country because they at least saw him as a human. They knew who he was and he knew who they were and they accepted flawed connection versus fragile presentation.
None of which is an argument for Trump as a person, or as a president. But it IS a denouncement of his opposition. The fact that people were willing to accept Trump as a person simply because he allowed himself to unapologetically be a person shows how low the bar *is*. People are so starving for a world where they can speak their mind, have a long-term conversation, argue and debate out different perspectives, see all sides and see people as complex humans with differing opinions, unscripted discussion, and flawed information… that we made *him* president.
That should be the deepest shame that we’re feeling as a country. That we forgot how to connect. How to collaborate. How to welcome in different viewpoints and discuss them in ways bigger than sound bites. How we forgot to yarn with other people. How we forgot to admit that we’re wrong and welcome ongoing debate. How we forgot to see people as people with fears and desires and conflicting perspectives rather than voting blocs. How we used language and media to silence others rather than invite connection and healing. How we rejected making mistakes and spoke only scripted lines that prevented us from seeing anyone who who they really are.
How we forgot to be human… and it brought us to where we are today… so I’m hoping we can learn from our mistakes and change before it’s too late. Because if we want to create a different world we have to start with connection. Connection is messy and unscripted and open-ended. It can’t be reduced to sound bites and policy papers. It has to open itself up to a living, breathing world of humans who want to be heard.
My Plans for the Week
I’m actively exploring my potential role in the world and welcoming different ideas into it. I’m catering everything I do for long-form “high-bandwidth” connection. That means more in person, video calls and voice calls over text-based connection. I’m also planning and preparing for as many in-person events as I can find during our summer in the US. The less time I spend online and more time synchronizing in person, the better. Here are some things I’m looking to explore this week. Would love for you to join me.
The Emerald Podcast Archive & Study Group Via Patreon
If you like reading this, feel free to click the ❤️ or 🔄 button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏. Also if you haven’t subscribed, feel free to. It’s free as I simply build more community from my early retirement, seeking what’s worth doing.